December 20, 2009

Lazy Bastid

And this is why I didn't start a blog years ago, I have a high laziness factor and my alter ego is Captain Procrastination (with his trusty sidekick, Rationalization Boy),
Why put off til tomorrow what you can do the day after?

So I'm sitting here watching a foot or two of global warming come down.
In August I got tix for the Giants/Foreskins Monday night game and some friends from Tampa/Atlanta (complicated) were going to come up.
December in DC is weird, it could be 20 or 60. I always root for 60.
They were going to drive up on Saturday, we do touristy stuff and then go to the game on Monday and then go the guy's mother's house in Myrtle Beach on Tuesday for Xmas.
I called him last week and said, "Dude, it's going to blizzard here on Saturday and be in the 20s for the game. I know you two are warm weather types so if you don't want to come, I can get rid of the tix."
So they decided to drive up yesterday.
They drove through a rainstorm until they got to Richmond, then it was snow. It took them 4 hours or more to get to Crystal City from Richmond.
So last night, at 1130 I drove from Old Town Alexandria to Crystal City in the snow. I have a 2006 Mustang GT convertible.
What fun I had last night. My car has all the attributes of a toboggan in snow. Unsteerable and unstable.
The ride there wasn't bad, they had salted the crap out of Route 1, but the ride back at 1:30 was a pain. There was a small hill, I couldn't accelerate at all. I kept losing the rear end. Two people passed me, but one guy kept following me so I couldn't floor it, spin out and slide sideways until I got some speed up. I even, so help me, tried leaving the traction control on. Mistake, with the car floored I wasn't moving. It almost stalled out.
Eh, now they want to do stuff today.
It's a freaking blizzard out. I want to sit in my apartment and bring my fluffy tard dog out to play in the snow.

Oh well.
The NFL screwed me this year. The Giants/Tampa game was in Tampa in September with the Giants/Skins game in December.
So I went to a game where it was 100 degrees and Monday I get to go to a sub-freezing game.
If they had reversed those games, I would have been a happy camper. DC in September can be hot, but rarely 100+with 180% humidity and a torrential downpour at 3pm and Tampa is looking about fantastic right now.
Oh well. I'm off to K-Mart to get long johns, gloves, a winter jacket and hand warmers.
For the game? I'm thinking hot tea with Hennessy and Bailey's. That'll warm you up. I usually have a couple hot chocolate and Crown, but you can't drink too many of those, they get too sweet.

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December 09, 2009

WTF?

What is going on with Tiger?

I don't like to know too much about athlete's personal lives.
I like Tom Brady because he plays all out, says the right things (except for once, and it cost him the Super Bowl and a perfect season) and bangs supermodels.
That's all I know about him.
I don't want to know which drugs they do, which women they beat, which women they cheat on their wives with, which cars they wreck on which highway or their politics.

It used to be all I knew about Tiger was that he played well, endorsed more stuff than Krusty the Klown and Peyton combined and his driver had cool special effects in his video games.

Now, I know entirely too much about which drugs he does, which and how many women he screws and which women  beat him and now something with an ambulance and critical care at 3 A.M.
Oh well.

Non-update while I was still writing
I just saw it was supposedly his mother in law, but today's "news" services don't really worry about confirming anything and the early reports are always wrong, so we'll see. Too bad it wasn't Shep who said it, then I know it would be wrong.
Now they're speculating on someone following her to the hospital. As if we really care who it was, Tiger's wife or her twin-sister.

Wait, Tiger's hot wife had a twin sister? And he's banging outside the family?

Now I have an even lower opinion of the dude.

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December 04, 2009

Bible Thumper

Okay, I can't figure out who would have done this, but it surely is weird.
Very weird.
I have to wonder if the person is anti-religious and did this to try to discredit the Bible.
Why do I say that?
Well, take this for instance. "The Second Circumcision". You click along and it goes along the story from Joshua until you get here and here where you see a guy with a chisel cutting into the groin of a grimacing guy with a clear, red block there.
Or this whole page
"God kills 70,000", "God makes promises He won't keep", "God kills a baby".

So he's a Bible thumper, but is he thumping the Bible because he loves it?

I'm figuring he's bashing the Bible and Christianity, sort of like Dogma in Legos.

H/T, Tex at Whacking Day 
Update: title inserted and post updated so it makes sense and with proper H/T.  

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December 03, 2009

Dammit, I knew I should have watched the speech

So I missed Obama's speech last night and I see I should have watched it.
FrnakJ watched and wrote down some especially interesting parts.

“America has always been at the forefront of… oh, this is more of that ‘American exceptionalism’ boilerplate. I’m just going to go ahead and skip it.”
...
“Know that of the people who will be trying to kill you, very few are what you’d describe as ‘close friends’ of mine.”

Heh.

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December 01, 2009

Drunken Vegas

There's a movie called "Pink Flamingos", if you know of it, don't think less of me for having seen it and (gasp) owning it on DVD (I pre-ordered).
If you don't know it, it's the most twisted movie you'll ever not want to see. There is nearly every perversion modern man can think of in it and a couple that I actually think might be too twisted to have actually happened. Seriously. Someone sics the cops on Divine so not only does she kill the cops, she eats them. Raw. The talent portion of her birthday party is probably the inspiration for goatse.
Except more disgusting.
Now I have to watch that movie again, it's been a few years.

So my first night in Vegas I was up for about 23 hours straight, at about the 15 hour mark I started drinking Crown Royal on the rocks brought by very helpful women. I won over a grand at 3 card poker on two hands and I was generally winning pretty heavily the whole night so I was tipping everybody in sight, I think I tipped a fern at one point. The very helpful women made sure my drink never ran out. I started off trying to lose a hundred and I was going to bed and I just couldn't lose. I finally was going to go to sleep no matter what and I figured I had a room, so why not use it?

We were staying at the Flamingo. The movie is the Pink Flamingo.

Finally, the point.
At the 23 hour mark I was heading for my room when, I swear, I passed Connie Marble, Divine's nemesis from that movie.

 I couldn't remember her name though, I was a little under the weather. Must have been jet lag.
I didn't talk to her to ask her if it was on purpose. Mostly because of aforementioned being under the weather but also because I didn't remember her name and what if she just dressed that way?
 
"Excuse me, are you supposed to be the movie character who's trying to be the most horrible person in the world?"
That would probably be worse than asking a fat lady when she's due.

 I saw Connie Marble at the Pink Flamingo, that's pretty darn funny.
I didn't remember it until just this morning.
Must have been the jet lag.

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