January 15, 2010

O'Reilly goes insane

Okay, O'Reilly, who's called Iraq a "Debacle" more than once and has yet to eat crow on that, is now calling to invade Haiti.

And Obama might even do it.
Think of the chance for graft, they'll get the UN involved so those pesky US laws don't apply and then, well, imagine oil for food with the US happily involved.
And since Obama doesn't understand the world, he'll send the Marines into Haiti just like Clinton when what you need are like a whole bunch of military police types.
Marines aren't trained to do what's needed in Haiti, it's a whole different mission.
Or worse, it'll be a bunch of UN peacekeepers, from Nigeria and Pakistan and whatnot, so at least people with young (cute) children will eat well.

So $billions will go down a craphole and won't accomplish squat. And after a year or so, they'll just abandon them again.
It sucks to be Haitian.

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December 01, 2009

Drunken Vegas

There's a movie called "Pink Flamingos", if you know of it, don't think less of me for having seen it and (gasp) owning it on DVD (I pre-ordered).
If you don't know it, it's the most twisted movie you'll ever not want to see. There is nearly every perversion modern man can think of in it and a couple that I actually think might be too twisted to have actually happened. Seriously. Someone sics the cops on Divine so not only does she kill the cops, she eats them. Raw. The talent portion of her birthday party is probably the inspiration for goatse.
Except more disgusting.
Now I have to watch that movie again, it's been a few years.

So my first night in Vegas I was up for about 23 hours straight, at about the 15 hour mark I started drinking Crown Royal on the rocks brought by very helpful women. I won over a grand at 3 card poker on two hands and I was generally winning pretty heavily the whole night so I was tipping everybody in sight, I think I tipped a fern at one point. The very helpful women made sure my drink never ran out. I started off trying to lose a hundred and I was going to bed and I just couldn't lose. I finally was going to go to sleep no matter what and I figured I had a room, so why not use it?

We were staying at the Flamingo. The movie is the Pink Flamingo.

Finally, the point.
At the 23 hour mark I was heading for my room when, I swear, I passed Connie Marble, Divine's nemesis from that movie.

 I couldn't remember her name though, I was a little under the weather. Must have been jet lag.
I didn't talk to her to ask her if it was on purpose. Mostly because of aforementioned being under the weather but also because I didn't remember her name and what if she just dressed that way?
"Excuse me, are you supposed to be the movie character who's trying to be the most horrible person in the world?"
That would probably be worse than asking a fat lady when she's due.

 I saw Connie Marble at the Pink Flamingo, that's pretty darn funny.
I didn't remember it until just this morning.
Must have been the jet lag.

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November 19, 2009

I love it when a plan comes together.

I updated below, but I should do it up here.
Apparently this is fake. Oh well, it's a good fake.


Apparently it's not true, at least according to the Victoria Advocate.

Snopes says it's fake too, but I don't trust them on anything even remotely related to politics.

It's still funny.

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November 12, 2009

Slippery slope

Drudge link, so sue me.

Brit researchers are experimenting with using human DNA in animals.

For one of the few times in my life, I don't agree with Bart Simpson, I don't want my monkey man.

We're getting into an interesting time. We're advanced enough we can start playing god while many of the scientists who are doing so don't believe in a god or in any ethics resembling Christianity.
I don't believe in a god, but I still try to live the rule of "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Which means that, unless you're being an asshole, I try to leave others alone.

I can imagine a time when commies and socialists (who inherently don't have any respect for people not themselves) start breeding "workers". Like people with ape DNA who are very strong and can carry a lot or something.

Interesting times.

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October 29, 2009

When did Hillary move to Pittsburgh?

Okay, this craigslist ad is either a great joke or Hillary-level chutzpa.
Free yard leaves... 3 acres worth. You collect and haul. Will have more in a few weeks.

That has to be a joke, right?

I wonder, does he sell grass clippings too? Cut and bag your own and you can have all you want.

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October 08, 2009

I'm betting on the old dude

So DHS apparently doesn't like people enforcing laws.

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has stripped Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio of his authority to arrest suspected illegal immigrants based solely on their immigration status.

Sheriff Joe says he's ain't stopping.
“Now I’m not under their control,” Arpaio said. “Nothing changes; that’s the irony of all of this.”
I figure he's right. In his county, the elected sheriff is in charge of law enforcement.
And he's doubling down.
He will conduct one in two weeks “with a new twist.” Arpaio did not go into further detail about what that means.

I look forward to the DHS publicly going after him for doing the job they will appear to refuse to do.

So what will DHS do after he tells them to screw? Go all Waco on his ass? 
I'd still put my money on him.

I'm kind of worried about what that showdown could lead to, but it'll be interesting.
H/T Hot Air, like you didn't know.

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September 15, 2009

Guild for Guilder's forces, will Florin invade?

Okay, that's funny.
The Dutch military has a union.
No, let me rephrase that, the Dutch military has multiple unions.

The AFMP is one of the largest military trade unions and is a member of the Dutch Federation of Trade Unions, FNV.
It's decided it doesn't want to fight in Afghanistan and it's saying so publicly.
The Dutch military has unions and they're trying to dictate policy.
I can't even think of anything funny (or attempted funny) to say about that. I know there's something funny in there, but I'm too stunned.

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September 09, 2009


The UN can always be counted on to do the exactly wrong thing.

In today's exciting episode, they've decided to honor Evo Morales, budding commie dictator of Bolivia, Castro, "almost dead" commie dictator of Cuba and Nyerere, dead socialist president of Tanzania. (He actually looks pretty benign for an African President for 24 years)

 Morales is officially "the maximum exponent and paradigm of love for Mother Earth." Castro is "World Hero of Solidarity." The late Nyerere is "World Hero of Social Justice."

General Assembly President Miguel D'Escoto Brockmann said, "What we want to do is present these three people to the world and say that they embody virtues and values worth emulation by all of us."

The only good thing I can say about those two paragraphs is that they spelled all the words correctly.
I am surprised that they were that honest in the last sentence, Castro and his wannabes embody the "virtues" most UN assembly members want to emulate.
They're big fans of socialism/communism, repression, muzzling the press, rigged elections and jailing dissidents.

This is a good place to advertise FrnakJ's "Top Ten UN Slogans" T-shirt.
"Bringing peace to our world (actual results may vary"
I get a bunch of dirty looks and "tch"s when I wear one of mine, but I also get  a bunch of people who ask me where I got it.
It's almost as good as my "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy" t-shirt for getting responses.

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September 07, 2009

Do they have a template?

It's like they have a template.
They talk about the world cooling, "quote" some unnamted "experts"who tell us that recent data means nothing, the world is going to start warming any day now and let us know WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!1!!1!!!.

And they don't mention the Sun or anything to do with its anomalous activity lately.
It's been surprisingly inactive, both in sunspots and even in the solar wind. That's at the lowest it's been in the 50 years they've been studying it and it's around 20% lower than it was in 1995.
We can't really measure it all the time for some reason (I'm not a solar scientist, I know not to stare at it and that's about it, I'm the fool who gets sunburn every time I go to Florida) but we had  good measurements in 1995 because of a probe and got it again recently because of its orbit.

So, the Earth has been cooling now, for some unknown reason, if you only read the first article, but it's gonna warm really soon and WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!! unless we give Al Gore money or something.
I've decided they're counting on sunspots to restart "any day now", just like real scientists have been saying for a year.
How funny would it be if global warmmongers cripple our ability to produce and use energy just as the next ice age is starting?

Funniest End of Civilization Funny.
That's how funny.
And that scares me.
In a funny way.
(My first foray into drunkblogging, and you were there).

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August 28, 2009

They can't stand for this, can they?

The British rulers are planning on taking away glass pints.

Apparently, they can break and the Brits are basically treated as children anymore, so they can't be trusted with breakables.

One plan is all plastic, another is to coat the glass with plastic.

Drinking out of plastic is only fun when it's a keg, in the woods, and you're pretty sure the girl you're talking to is going to go for a walk in the dark with you.

And plastic cups isn't even the worse plan.
"We could do something more radical, by looking at the whole shape and substance of the pint - we could come up with something that is completely different to glass.
"Remember that years ago people used to drink out of pewter tankards. It could be quite a significant paradigm shift."

I'm guessing it'll be sippy cups.

I've seen a lot of stuff that made me think, "Are they gonna stand for that?" and they freaking have.

If they allow their masters to take their freaking pint glasses, well, that's that.

I have high hopes for the Brits on this one. They kept it a "pint" after all when the EUnuchs tried to get them to stop selling pints and change it to litres.

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August 07, 2009



Got it from Harvey at IMAO

You can make your own here
If you scroll down, it's already there, you just have to caption it.

I captioned in the "top" and "bottom" boxes, I don't know where the "middle" would go.

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July 28, 2009

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel... mad.

Now this is one of the major contributors to this end of civilization and, surprisingly enough, it's not funny. The results are hilarious, but the action is despicable.
And it shows itself in many different areas.
First up, we have global worming, via Cold Fury we see this Mark Steyn comment
In the mid-nineties, which climatologist and which model predicted the cooling trend of the turn of the century and the oughts? And, if they didn’t, on what basis do you trust their claims for 2050 or 2100?”

To quote that eminent philosopher and cold-ologist, Mr. Freeze, Eggs-zactly.

They throw out all the current numbers, substitute "models" and then demand that we destroy the economy or else we're worse than Holocaust-deniers. And if you point out the actual numbers? You're a tool of Exxon-Mobil or Haliburton or, even worse, Dick Cheney. 

Next up, we have Robert "You're All Racists" Samuels, of all people (he's one of the reasons I finally stopped reading the Wash Post, I got sick of him and Eugene Robinson calling me a racist every Monday morning.)
If you listen to President Obama, his "reform" will satisfy almost everyone. It will insure the uninsured, control runaway health spending, subdue future budget deficits, preserve choice for patients and improve quality of care. These claims are self-serving exaggerations and political fantasies.

And the money quote
They have destroyed what should be a serious national discussion of health care.

Yup. And as we can see from the Steyn bit, so have the global warmmongers and it's spread virtually throughout the leadership of the Democratic Party. The leadership. Sure, politicians lie, that's just what they do. But the Dems lie about anything, even easily checkable things, and are never, ever called on it (unless they're going against Obama or Pelosi, then they're fair game).

How else do you explain the fact that whenever Obama says, "Now let me be clear, I've always..." he then does a 180 from his previous position? 

Every single time he says he's "always stood for" something he's actually changing his stance 180 degrees.

And he's never called on it! He's asked about his jump-shot instead.

Now, it's no surprise that con-men and idealogues lie like nothing to try to get you on their side, and he is a Chicago-machine politician but....

What makes this so endy is that it's fairly new in American history for a party's leaders to be so shameless and self-serving.

We can't properly debate anything in America anymore because of this.

Minitru is happy to lie for their chosen political party.

Their chosen political party can say whatever pops into their willfully ignorant and/or lying skulls (it was funny during the election watching Hillary find out she didn't get a pass when opposing Obama), how else do you explain Biden? Seriously. Joe's says the stupidest thing you've ever heard at least once a day and all we hear is "Oh, that's just Joe being Joe" while Bush purposefully mispronounced words (like nukular, I guarantee that was on purpose) and he's an idiot.

The acolytes of leftism (a new religion with Mother Gaia as their god, Gorequemada as their official inquisitor and Obama as their messiah) shut down any attempt at rational debate with gigantic puppet heads and screeching, unwashed, hippies.
How the hell did Code Pink always get some unwashed hippy three feet away from whichever GOPer was testifying before Congress?
Seriously, remember when Medea Benjamin got within touching distance of Condi Rice during testimony?
The White House reacted harshly Wednesday after a protester at a House hearing got close enough to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice to put her dyed hands in Rice’s face.

And it's all of a piece with that dust-up between Patterico and Goldstein.

Patterico seems to want to work within the strictures set by lying, dishonest, win at any cost lefties, setting himself up to be the Washington Generals or John McCain.

Goldstein doesn't want to cede the meanings of words or what is 'acceptable' to lying, leftist douchetools.

Since our political betters in the GOP are mostly in Patterico's camp (with that breeder snow-billy Palin apparently and unashamedly in Goldstein's camp) we're all screwed.

But at least we have the hilarity.

I've been trying to think of what could make this any funnier and the only thing I can think of is for the Dems to impeach Obama so we'll get Biden as president.

And that'll be as funny as funny can be. Until the cities start going up in nukular fireballs. But since it's gonna happen anyway, might as enjoy the ride.

Don't forget, buy ammo.
When gold is worthless, lead and steel will be worth their weight in...uhhh.... lead and steel.
Oh shut up.
You know what I mean.

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July 26, 2009

Heston Lied People Died!!!1!!

Apparently, bears are becoming intelligent.

Yes, it's a NY Times link so I really should wait until a more reliable source covers it, but I'm going with it anyway.

So anyway, according to this "journalist",
The BearVault 500 withstood the ravages of the test bears at the Folsom City Zoo in California. It has stymied mighty grizzlies weighing up to 1,000 pounds in the backcountry of Yellowstone National Park.
But in one corner of the Adirondacks,
a 125-pound bear ...has managed to systematically decipher a complex locking system that confounds even some campers.

Do you realize what this means?
It won't be Planet of the Apes, it'll be Planet of the Bears!
They already know how to dance and ride bikes, how long until we make them servants?
So Zeus and the rest won't be damn dirty apes, they'll be damn dirty bears.

I figure Zeus will probably be a panda.
Cornelius will be a black bear.

And Aldo will be a freaking polar bear.

I've been making fun of global worming for a long time.

I am so screwed.
(H/T Just One Minute)
 (edited to make sense)

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July 24, 2009

Not an update, well, maybe. Okay, two updates.

As I was reading this NY Times article, I was thinking of updating the previous post about my agreeing with Norks.
But as I read further, I realized that it updated my first post, about Hillary giving the Norks a time out.

So I quote, you decide.
Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl  (I wish. V) and sometimes a pensioner going shopping.”

So I have to agree with that, in theory. I'm absolutely sure I don't want to see her in a Catholic School Girl Outfit, but she surely acts like someone with a thin grasp of the world.

So far, it looks like an update on the previous post.
But wait, there's still more!
For her part, Mrs. Clinton said she was encouraged by the international support for pressuring North Korea.

But, but, but, but you just said we should ignore them!?!?!?!?! So which is it? Pressure them or ignore them?

So, an update on the first post with a little "We've always been at war with Eastasia" thrown in.

But wait, there's still more!
Even Myanmar, she said, had responded to requests by China and other countries to track a North Korean freighter this month that American officials suspected was carrying illicit cargo.

Yeah, I bet. Burma's super tracking facilities consist of a dude on a hill with a pair of commie Chinese binoculars.

And gratuitously praising Burma? Seriously, why throw that in? There's absolutely no reason to just mention those Buddhist monk murdering despots. And as we read a little further on, the ship never made it to Burma because it turned around so the murderous Burmese dictators never had a chance for their dude with binoculars to see it.

And now just to throw in another amateur hour aspect of the current administration
But even before Thursday’s vitriolic statements from North Korea, American officials said they were more focused for now on inflicting pain on North Korea than on luring it back to the bargaining table.

But, but, but the Super Smart Sec State just said we were going to ignore them?!?!?! Which is it?

And that is why I've started capitalizing The Funniest End Of Civilization Ever and I'll soon have to add at least one exclamation point and maybe more with a few 1s thrown in.
Because nobody's in charge of foreign policy. There's a bunch of assholes and idiots running around saying whatever pops into their willfully ignorant, little brains and it's causing havoc in the world.

And that's the funniest part of all.
Anybody want to bet that all the world leaders,  including Iran's neighbors, who spent 8 years bashing Bush are not now saying, "Damn do we miss having adults in charge"?

Think about it, Iran's neighbors, all of them, not just the Jooooos, are scared shitless.

The EUniks are screwed, with Obama destroying our economy, theirs won't be far behind. And as we cut missile defense and lots of our defense spending, they'll be on their own. I hope they have good Russian dictionaries.

Even the murderous commies in China have to be bummed out. Bush wasn't any better at stopping their spying, but at least with him in charge all the American bonds and whatnot were worth something. They're going to be owed $billions by an America that can't afford to pay them.

Tsar Putin I in Russia is probably the only one who's happy, the only way Russia becomes a real player again is for the rest of the world to sink to their level.

What makes it funnier is as cities start going up in nukular fire and Russia and China start getting all invasiony, Obama will blame it all on the Republicans.

We are so screwed.

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July 21, 2009

Bad Norks, you get a time out.

You knew my first post had to be about The Funniest End of Civilization Ever.

So our super fantastic Secretary of State, the Smartest Womyn in the Worldtm  let's us know NoKo isn't all that big a deal.

"And maybe it's the mother in me or the experience that I've had with small children and unruly teenagers and people who are demanding attention -- don't give it to them, they don't deserve it, they are acting out," she said

So what were these 'unruly children' doing?

North Korea tested a nuclear device in May and fired seven ballistic missiles earlier this month

That "earlier this month" was, of course, the poofy haired maniac celebrating the 4th of July.

So far just mostly endy, but now we get to teh funny from the super diplomat/genius.

They don't pose a threat to us. We know that our allies, Japan and South Korea, are very concerned."

I'll translate, that's super-genius, diplomatese for "Sucks to be you".

See? Both endy and funny.

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