July 26, 2009

Heston Lied People Died!!!1!!

Apparently, bears are becoming intelligent.

Yes, it's a NY Times link so I really should wait until a more reliable source covers it, but I'm going with it anyway.

So anyway, according to this "journalist",
The BearVault 500 withstood the ravages of the test bears at the Folsom City Zoo in California. It has stymied mighty grizzlies weighing up to 1,000 pounds in the backcountry of Yellowstone National Park.
,,,snip...
But in one corner of the Adirondacks,
..snip..
a 125-pound bear ...has managed to systematically decipher a complex locking system that confounds even some campers.

Do you realize what this means?
It won't be Planet of the Apes, it'll be Planet of the Bears!
They already know how to dance and ride bikes, how long until we make them servants?
So Zeus and the rest won't be damn dirty apes, they'll be damn dirty bears.

I figure Zeus will probably be a panda.
Cornelius will be a black bear.

And Aldo will be a freaking polar bear.

I've been making fun of global worming for a long time.

I am so screwed.
(H/T Just One Minute)
 (edited to make sense)

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